Sparing you all the inner turmoil, here's the conclusion I've come to:
Karen Peris and I are twins, if not biologically, then "soul twins".
Thoughts about my calling have been swirling around in my brain lately, and not just what to do after high school, but what to do with my life.
Now, this may seem like a really ridiculous decision: wouldn't whatever I did after college be tied to what I consider my calling to be?
Oh my. I have no answer to that. I hope so, but how many jobs have the combination of what I've been so convicted by lately?
This post may be gargantuan, but I will do my best to outline my *emotions* for you, as scatterbrained as they are, give you snapshots of what's been resonating with the old ticker, and hope my gut supplies the rest.
(Can you tell I've been reading Thoreau lately? ha, funny.)
O.k. This song (written by the amazing Innocence Mission, of which my "soul-twin", Karen Peris, is the lead vocalist) has been my life motto for quite some time now. It's exactly what I want people to see me as, exactly the image I want to provoke in people's minds.
Take a minute to give it a listen. I'll wait.
Now, wed what you just heard to this:
Alright, now look at all that in light of this:
(as an intro)
"Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain." (Philippians 2:14-16)
(& for the heart-rending moment)
"Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all." (Philippians 2:17)
Think of this all in the light of the color blue.
All shades.
& you have an adequate picture of what my mind has been like for the last several months.
Beautiful and terrible.
In light of this all: how? How do I know how to use these things that God has impacted me so deeply with, that I know are a gift from Him? How?
I haven't the foggiest.
But hope is there, hope is not dead.
And while my brain fries, and my emotions not far behind it, I pray that hope does not die.
But you still may want to run for your life if it's too early in the morning.
To the smallest & the biggest things that keep me whole: hooray!
And *hope*fully, one day, even if I am 80, I'll be able to say that I used these facets of my brain to bring the utmost glory to Christ. (which leads to another Karen Peris song, "Christ Is My Hope". But I'll let you look that one up on your own time.)
"Love that will not betray you,
dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man
you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
At my heart you see,
The beauty of love
as it was made to be." - Mumford and Sons
dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man
you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
At my heart you see,
The beauty of love
as it was made to be." - Mumford and Sons
